TED演讲：36个问题让一个人爱上你自媒体-口播独白长文案

TED 演讲：36 个问题让一个人爱上你 演讲者参加了一个心理测试:与另一位被测者一起回答设定好的36 个问题。 神奇的是，测试后他们两个竟然相爱了。既然这不是童话故事，那么让他们 在短时间内迅速相爱的原因是什么呢? 演讲者:Mandy Len Catron Ipublished this article in the New York Times Modern Love column in January of this year. "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This." And the article is about a psychological study designed to create romantic love in the laboratory, and my own experience trying the study myself one night last summer. 今年1 月份我将这篇文章发表在《纽约时报》“现代爱情”专栏。《想爱上 某人，你要这么做》这篇文章讲的是一项心理学研究，如何在实验室创造出 浪漫的爱情，我自己在去年一个夏夜也完成了这项试验。 So the procedure is fairly simple: two strangers take turns asking each other 36 increasingly personal questions and then they stare into each other's eyes without speaking for four minutes.So here are a couple of sample questions. 过程很简单:两个陌生人轮流问对方36 个问题，问题越来越私人化，然后四 目相对，一言不发地对视4 分钟。我选出了其中几个问题。 Number 12: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Number 28: When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 问题12:如果你明早醒来能获得一项品质或能力，你希望是什么? 问题28:你上一次当着别人的面哭是什么时候? (上一次)独自哭泣呢? As you can see, they really do get more personal as they go along. Number 30, I really like this one: Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time,saying things you might not say to someone you just met. 如大家所见， 这些问题的确越来越私人化。 问题30，我很喜欢这一个:告诉对面的人你喜欢他(她)什么，要非常诚实，说 一些你也许不会对初次见面的人说的话。 So when I first came across this study a few years earlier, one detail really stuck out to me, and that was the rumor that two of the participants had gotten married six months later, and they'd invited the entire lab to the ceremony.So I was of course very skeptical about this process of just manufacturing romantic love, but of course I was intrigued. 因此当我几年前偶然听说这个实验的时候，有一个细节真的打动了我，我听 到传言，说有两个参加实验的人在半年后结婚了，他俩邀请了整个实验团队 去参加婚礼。当然，我非常怀疑这种完全人造的浪漫爱情，但同时我也很好 奇。 And when I got the chance to try this study myself, with someone I knew but not particularly well, I wasn't expecting to fall in love. But then we did, and --And I thought it made a good story, so I sent it to the Modern Love column a few months later. 当我自己也有机会去完成这个实验时--和一个我认识但不是很熟的人--我完 全没想到我们会陷入爱河。但是我们真的陷进去了，而且--我认为这是一个 精彩的故事，所以几个月后，我将它发给了 “现代爱情”专栏。 Now, this was published in January, and now it is August, so I'm guessing that some of you are probably wondering, are we still together? And the reason I think you might be wondering this is because I have been asked this question again and again and again for the past seven months. And this question is really what I want to talk about today. But let's come back to it. 今年一月，文章发表了，现在是八月份，所以我想你们中间肯定有人在想， 我俩是不是还在一起?我之所以知道你们想问，是因为过去七个月里，我已经 被问了无数次。我今天真的想回答这个问题。但是让我们先说说别的。 So the week before the article came out, I was very nervous. I had been working on a book about love stories for the past few years, so I had gotten used to writing about my own experiences with romantic love on my blog. But a blog post might get a couple hundred views at the most, and those were usually just my Facebook friends, and I figured my article in the New York Times would probably get a few thousand views. And that felt like a lot of attention on a relatively new relationship. But as it turned out, I had no idea. 在文章发表前一周，我非常紧张。我一直在写一本关于爱情的书，已经好几 年了，我已经习惯于在我的博客上分享我自己的爱情经历。然而博客可能最 多只有几百人在看，而且大多数是我“脸书”上的好友，而我发表到《纽约 时报》上的文章，可能会有几千人看。对一段刚刚确定的关系而言，关注的 人有点太多了(不是件好事儿)。但对随之而来的事情，我毫无准备。 So the article was published online on a Friday evening, and by Saturday, this had happened to the traffic on my blog. And by Sunday, both the Today Show and Good Morning America had called.Within a month, the article would receive over 8 million views, and I was, to say the least,underprepared for this sort of attention. It's one thing to work up the confidence to write honestlyabout your experiences with love, but it is another thing to discover that your love life has made international news --and to realize that people across the world are genuinely invested in the status of your new relationship. 这篇文章上线是在一个周五的晚上，到周六的时候，我的博客访问量(暴涨) 成了这个样子。到周日的时候，《今日秀》和《早安美国》都给我打电话了。 一个月之内，这篇文章被点击超过800 万次，所以，对我而言，我对如此高 的关注度毫无准备。鼓起勇气，如实写出自己的恋爱经历是一回事;而发现自 己的爱情故事成为国际新闻就是另一回事了。更别说全世界人民 都在关注你 的新恋情进展了。 And when people called or emailed, which they did every day for weeks, they always asked the same question first: are you guys still together? In fact, as I was preparing this talk, I did a quick search of my email inbox for the phrase "Are you still together?" and several messages popped up immediately.They were from students and journalists and friendly strangers like this one. I did radio interviews and they asked. I even gave a talk, and one woman shouted up to the stage, "Hey Mandy, where's your boyfriend?" And I promptly turned bright red. 人们每天给我打电话，发邮件，持续了好几周，他们都会问同样的问题:你们 还在一起吗?实际上，在我准备这次演讲时，我在收件箱里搜索句子， “你 们还在一起吗?” 蹦出来好多结果。问的人有学生，有记者，还有善意的陌 生人，就像这一位。我参加电台访谈节目，他们也会问我。甚至有一次我在 做演讲，有一位女士大叫着跑上台， “嘿，曼迪，你的男朋友呢?” 我立刻 就脸红了。 Iunderstand that this is part of the deal. If you write about your relationship in an international newspaper, you should expect people to feel comfortable asking about it. But I just wasn't prepared for the scope of the response. The 36 questions seem to have taken on a life of their own. In fact, the New York Times published a follow-up article for Valentine's Day, which featured readers' experiences of trying the study themselves, with varying degrees of success. 我能理解他们的反应。既然你在一家国际性的报纸上写出自己的爱情故事， 你就应该预料到大家会毫无顾忌地问这问那。但我只是没想到反响会如此之 大。这36 个问题仿佛有了自己的生命力。实际上，《纽约时报》为情人节 又发表了 一篇后续文章，讲的是读者们自己进行实验的经历，他们的成功率 各不相同。 So my first impulse in the face of all of this attention was to become very protective of my own relationship. I said no to every request for the two of us to do a media appearance together. I turned down TV interviews, and I said no to every request for photos of the two us. I think I was afraid that we would become inadvertent icons for the process of falling in love, a position I did not at all feel qualified for. 所以面对如此多的关注，我的第一反应 就是要保护我的恋爱关系。对于所有 要我俩共同接受采访的媒体，我都拒绝了。我不接受电视采访，我拒绝提供 两人的合照。我觉得我是害怕被贴上对待爱情太过随意的标签，我接受不了 这种评价。 And I get it: people didn't just want to know if the study worked, they wanted to know if it really worked: that is, if it was capable of producing love that would last, not just a fling, but real love, sustainable love. 我明白:人们不光想知道这实验有没有效，他们还想知道这实验会不会真的成 功:也就是说，刻意制造出来的爱情能否持久，不是昙花一现，而是能持续下 去的真爱。 But this was a question I didn't feel capable of answering. My own relationship was only a few months old, and I felt like people were asking the wrong question in the first place. What would knowing whether or not we were still together really tell them? If the answer was no, would it make the experience of doing these 36 questions any less worthwhile? 但这个问题我没办法回答。因为我的感情也才开始几个月而已，而且我觉得 这个问题问得不对。知道我俩是否在一起能起什么作用呢?如果我们分手了， 是不是意味着做这36 道题就没什么意义了呢? Dr. Arthur Aron first wrote about these questions in this study here in 1997, and here, the researcher's goal was not to produce romantic love. Instead, they wanted to foster interpersonal closeness among college students, by using what Aron called "sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure." Sounds romantic, doesn't it? But the study did work. 这些问题最初是亚瑟·阿伦博士在1997 年的这项研究中设计出来的，当时， 研究者的目的并不是要制造爱情。而是想增进大学生之间的人际关系，通过 阿伦所谓的 “持续的、不断深入的、 双向的、自我人格剖析”。听起来真 是浪漫啊，不是吗? The participants did feel closer after doing it, and several subsequent studies have also used Aron's fast friends protocol as a way to quickly create trust and intimacy between strangers. They've used it between members of the police and members of community, and they've used it between people of opposing political ideologies. The original version of the story, the one that I tried last summer, that pairs the personal questions with four minutes of eye contact, was referenced in this article, but unfortunately it was never published. 但这项研究确实有效。参与者确实感觉比实验前更亲密了，随后的几项研究 同样使用了阿伦的快速交友模式，以此来在陌生人之间迅速地建立信任，消 除隔阂。他们将这种方法用在警察和社区成员之间，用在持不同政见的人群 之间。这个故事的初始版本，也就是我去年夏天完成的，将私人问题和4 分 钟眼神交流结合在一起，在